A Letter to You
Here’s to a new journey with no destination. ✺
For nearly my entire life, I lived a double existence. On the external, I did everything I was "supposed to". A perfectionist and empath from the womb, I laid the pressure on thick to live up to everyone's expectations, whilst feeling the failure of my missteps deeply. Confusion ensued about the expectations of the world around me and that nagging inner voice of who I actually was.
In my early twenties, a fresh graduate from business school at the University of Michigan, I moved to NYC to pursue a career in finance. Like most, I thought I had it all figured out. I was on the path to achieving my dreams—even if they were dreams that weren't mine to begin with. After my first week of work, I called my Mom distraught that all my hard work was for this... a job that I hated.
Despite my inner knowing that this was never the path for me, I continued working in the high pressure environment of finance for 5 more years. With every passing moment, I ignored the cries of my inner voice, moved further from my authentic self, and in the process, suffocated my vibrant spirit within.
In pursuit of feeling better, I took a deep dive into holistic health and retreated to my yoga mat, sometimes 6 days a week. In my desperation, I consumed all things wellness and tried everything I could get my hands on. Out of the many lows I experienced in NYC, flourished a deep passion for well-being. It was my life raft in my double life.
When I finally left my finance job, I moved cross country to Santa Monica, California, where I reside today. Little did I know this move would be the catalyst for profound transformation. But not before mirroring to me all the ways I was still resisting my authentic self. To wake up, I had to hit rock bottom.
I quickly fell into a new, deceivingly shiny job as an early hire at a fintech start-up. In just two months time, I was sicker than I ever was in NYC. Filled with stress and anxiety, new bouts of depression were consuming me for weeks, brain fog and fatigue become my new normal, and practically overnight, breakouts of severe eczema overtook my face, eventually spreading to my body.
It wasn’t long until I realized that I was repeating my old patterns of looking outward for validation, following a path that aligned with the story in my head of "who I should be”, and once again moving away from who I am. I felt lost and confused. It was exhausting. Walking away from my second job in a years time felt like stripping me of my identity, of who I was to the world. It felt like failing. Doubt and fear consumed me until there was no way out, but in.
This time, rather than looking outside of myself for my next step, I turned inward for guidance. And quickly, a whole new journey bloomed. The journey was far from the picture perfect life I had once envisioned. It was messy, really messy. Full of breakdowns and breakthroughs, what felt like endless tears, purging of old habits, beliefs, and stories, digging up repressed emotions of anger, sadness, fear, and hurt. Self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-trust emerged as the greatest lessons of my journey. Late into my twenties was the first time I truly felt self-love.
I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and slowly, I began to heal from the disconnection I had been experiencing. I immersed myself deeper into the studies of the modalities that awakened my own healing.
I continued my reiki training to heal myself and be of service to others. Connecting to universal energy was a vital step towards realigning my heart, soul, & mind.
I traveled to the magical island of Bali for where I met my spiritual teachers and delved deeper into the esoteric teachings of yoga and meditation. I emerged from a month-long, intensive study with a profound sadhana (spiritual practice) and purpose to serve through the inner wisdom gained from stillness.
And when my partner also lost his job, we choose to make lemonade. With the goal of self-exploration and growth, we took off for an adventure, traveling through Europe, Africa, and India. The lessons we learned whilst traveling set the stage for a new phase of our lives. One where we traded in the comfort of who we thought we should be for a path into the unknown, open to the unfolding of who we are.
This past year of my life unravelled me. I had remarkable highs and transversed through new lows. I manifested some of my wildest dreams and let others shatter as I dropped to my knees in surrender. I burned my identity in exchange for evolution. Each moment a new lesson in being human.
But my story does not end here. Because I am still on this journey. The journey to your authentic self has no destination. We are always becoming more realized versions of self, but this only happens with consistent self-care and connection to one's inner world.
Jumping from the security of our current situation when we know it’s out of alignment with our true purpose is a classic story, but an important one. Action that is in alignment with one's authentic self is the most empowering story there is. This is why we, as a collective, fall in love with those souls that are living their purpose—whether it is artists, business moguls, stay-at-home parents, yoga teachers, or nurses—you instantly know when someone is showing up from a place of authenticity. And career is only a single component of one's life. Authenticity and empowerment from within is transformative in every aspect of life—from relationships, to health and well-being, beliefs and identities, and so on.
Authenticity is the product of connection to one's inner world. In order to be the most realized version of yourself, you first have to know how to shift through the programming that we all have received and learn to hear your own guidance from within.
Through embodied movement, energetic clearing, and mindful practices, my work here is to guide you to explore your world within. My mission is to empower you to live a life you love, from a place of love. My definition of well-being far surpasses the physical body. Wellness is a holistic practice that includes all the planes of our beings—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.